I have had an itch for several weeks to write a blog, but never had the mental energy to do it. I technically still feel brain dead, but the girls are playing with their Trolls and the boy is swinging on his swing the basement. So I am curled up on the couch enjoying not being touched or being climbed on. It’s pure bliss.
The bliss ended as soon as I finished that last sentence. Lo is talking in my ear, but I notice I don’t hear the boy anymore so I run downstairs and don’t see him anywhere. Insert slight panic now. I hear a door knob jiggle. Shew, he just went on the closed side of the basement. Annoying, but not tragic. Let me explain why I was very panicked about not hearing him (but you should always be panicked if your kids are quiet. That’s a good too for new moms.) About two weeks ago, on a Tuesday, I was doing my normal routine. I was in the basement with Lo and Simon and realized I had 10 minutes to get ready for work. When Grammy got here, I was doing my rounds of hugs and kisses. Simon was still downstairs and I usually just yell “bye, love you squish” and go. But it was quiet and if you know Simon, he’s rarely quiet. Went downstairs, no Simon. Looked on the other side of the basement, no Simon. Walked outside, no Simon. I walked out a little further and noticed the gate was opened. I freaked! Ran in the house yelled for Grammy and we are both running around outside. Run to my sister’s house and she is now outside running with us yelling and screaming for Simon. What seemed like forever was only a few minutes when Grammy found him….two houses down! I felt like the worst mother ever. And the scariest part is, he didn’t even realize what he did was wrong.
Even though I have 4-year-olds now, doesn’t mean they are all in there developmentally. My Simon, my squish and my chubs, just isn’t there yet. Intelligentally he is there if not further along than even 5 or 6 year old. His awareness and average developmental is delayed. So, technically he may be more like have a 2-year-old or younger but much, much heavier and stronger. He doesn’t like holding our hands which makes daily life a huge struggle. The girls will hold hands with each other and walk next to me, but Simon will go limp in a heart beat or I end up having to carry a 35lb dead body. Most of the time he doesn’t even want to be carried and he lunges and dives making me lose my mind. Not even because it hurts but because I’m afraid his face will meet concrete.
My current situation. He never leaves me alone. Which in hindsight, it’s better than not knowing where he is. Silver lining which is something I’m always reaching for these days.
Now my Ruthie bug, I just have to say wow. She has come so far since she started school. But we still have our struggles. The tantrums still occur, but have decreased in the length and the amount per day. Which is wonderful. With that being said, we still have those tantrums. Even this morning, I was upstairs and I hear her bawling her eyes out. I go downstairs and she is just repeating, “it’s broken” and I can’t figure out what she is talking about because she just repeats the same thing. Luckily I realized the TV paused for a second and sent her into this poor, crying little puddle. The TV was working currently but she just couldn’t get past that it stopped for a split second. She just kept repeating, “it’s broken” or “it’s not working” even though it was. She just couldn’t get past it. I was holding her tightly, rubbing her back and rocking her trying to calm her down. Nothing was working and the screaming was getting louder and louder. She wanted the TV off. Easy fix right? But that would be giving into the behavior and even though I could end the crying, this will only make the next meltdown worse. And we have been working hard breaking this habit. I’m getting up while holding her and she is just going ballistic because she knows I’m taking her to her room. As a mom and a role model, I try to stay calm as much as possible, but sometimes I break that mentality and lose it. I swated her behind and hard to tightly squeeze her so I didn’t stop her and had to toss her into her bed. I felt awful. Autism is not only difficult for my babies, but it takes a toll on me and the Hubs as well.
I am currently trying to convince her she does not need both shimmer and shine to watch the show. She keeps having a fit every fee minutes. I’m not giving in. (Side note: Lo gave in and gave her her shine doll. Lo then received a piece of chocolate for sharing and being a good sister.)
Parents who have kids with autism….I bow to you. Its not an easy job, and so many moms are killing it and making wonderful, respectful kids. Anyone out there reading this, just remember. Even though they look a certain age, doesn’t mean they are able to do things that maybe yours can do. I’m not trying to baby my son or ignore my daughter, but I am teaching her tbis behavior is not ok or I am helping my son because he just doesn’t understand or know better. Same goes for all our other kiddos out there struggling. Autism is a HUGE spectrum. Not one diagnosis is like the other. And even though I had three share a womb, they are completely different in every way. Let’s all be kind to one another. No more eye rolling at the child’s behavior our, no more ugly looks and comments under your breath. Can we just walk up to one another and ask, “can I help in anyway”? OR “You are doing a great job, hang in there”. I can’t tell you how many times those words would’ve been wonderful to hear in such moments.
Spread the love and the kind words.