Mommy Monday

I am feeling very emotional today and I get this way from time to time. Being a mom has made me a big softy after all. But after this weekend, I have had lots of thoughts that come to me once and while and it’s things I never say out loud. I feel if I say the words it will make me a horrible parent, that these thoughts are really how I feel and actually be true. Here I go.

We had a great family weekend. Boo at the zoo, pumpkin picking and birthday parties. There were a few ups and downs, but over all it was a fun weekend. But things I notice that maybe others do not….my son who is the same age as his sisters is not like them. While trick or treating, the girls eagerly ran up to each booth and said, “trick or treat”, my son did not….he didn’t even care. My girls got so excited to meet all the princesses (and they still talk about it), my son didn’t care one bit. My son was contained in a stroller the majority of the trip until the end so he could meet some super hero’s. Once he was out, he was running off, going limp noodle on us and just didn’t seem to care what other kids were getting excited about. I noticed it all.

(Here is my awesome Father-in-law  (who basically took care of Simon the entire night for me) attempting to get him to stay. A struggle for sure. I yelled at Spider Man to just hold him for us and he was nice enough to do so but he still struggled. Even Spider Man couldn’t hold him still 🤣)


When we went to the Farm, we actually lost him for a few minutes. He was content in the open stall with the baby calf and when I was helping his sister to do something he was gone when I turned back around. Thankfully, he wasn’t far, but he had no idea that this was not okay or dangerous. He didnt understand the idea of picking pumpkins and honestly didn’t care. Something we are use to, but still, kind of hurts my heart.

The birthday party we went to was so much fun. But we didn’t even take Simon. I knew it was an outdoor party with no fence. Although, I knew there would be lots of adults that would be willing to help, our entire time would’ve consisted of us chasing him, getting things out of his mouth or asking each other where he was. We know this because it’s what we deal with on a daily basis. It’s okay, sometimes it’s just really discouraging. 

(FYI….This is where we found him when he ran off. Seriously he can be a silent ninja when he wants to be or the entire scene from Jumanji…there is no in between.)

Last night, I was trying to fold the largest load of laundry (it multiplys when you have multiples…times 10). When I’m on the floor, my son thinks it’s free game to climb me, squeeze me and pull my hair. As much as it doesn’t bother me, after a few minutes of having a 40lb dead weight child on my shoulders pulling my hair, I’m over it. When I try to get him to stop, he “Hulks” out on me squeezing me very aggressively. Which for him, that’s just his way of telling me he’s upset. 

Anyways, after all this from the past weekend my mind starts to wonder. Will my son ever be normal? Will he have friends? What will other kids say to him? Will I ever hear him say a word? Most of the time, I have this strong feeling he will talk, he will succeed because let’s face it, he’s so stinking smart and that he will marry and have kids. But I have days like today where I start to question him and myself. Am I doing enough? Do I give him enough attention? Do I treat him the same or differently? It’s just an emotional roller coaster. 

I do have to make this clear though. I would never change anything. For one, since knowing of his and my daughter’s diagnosis, I have learned so much and I am so thankful I have. I knew nothing before. I thought Autism was kids acting out with screaming and throwing a tantrum and not being able to control it. And also thinking it was basically, life over scenario. That is not the case at all! It’s life changing yes, but I have gained so much from them in what they have taught me. It’s not easy sure, but their successes are huge and spectacular! Even just looking in my eyes is a huge success day. 

If you are ever curious on what it’s like having an autistic child….just ask. I love to answer questions (as long as they aren’t rude questions because there are such things). I love meeting other mom’s who have either just found out their child has autism or just struggling with their child and being able to share our stories and hearing theirs and helping one another. It’s so comforting. 

PS….just so you know, having two autistic children may be hard most days, but I FREAKING love these crazy kids with all my heart!


Alive and Well

I always have a desire to write a blog almost every day but my desire to lay in bed and binge watch the newest and greatest show on Netflix takes over and my blog gets put on the back burner. But today, as I am curled up on my couch listening to the girls play with their baby dolls and watching my son on the floor playing with dress up jewelry like a cat with yarn I just feel the need to share some things.

My kids are now 4 and a half. Thats almost 5 years old if your not goof at math. A few things about this age with triplets. 

1.  I have survived that long without an actual admitence to a mental institute  (only reason I haven’t is because the husband would surly die without me 🤣)

2. They haven’t killed each other yet, although it sounds like mortal combat in my house most days.

3. I am just as exhausted now as I was when they were babies. A whole new level! 

4.  I hear lots of sounds in the girls room at this very moment and I’m a little concerned about what is happening but I still here them so no one is hurt…yet. I only get up if there is crying. 

The point is, they are growing into little people now and it’s great. They are also growing into little teenagers. Did they forget to stay 4 or do they decide to skip all that boring stuff and jump straight into attitudes, sass, door slamming and picking on siblings on purpose just to tick them off? I am serious….what the heck!

There are lots of positives though I suppose. The girls have finally learned how to dress themselves. I know a lot of kids have already been doing this at a younger age but mine thought I was their slave and had me do it. And honestly, I would give in because watching them dress themselves is very painful to watch. It’s cute and all the first time but when they stick their arm through the head hole for the 10th time you just want to do it yourself. The anxiety isn’t worth it. Feel me?

Maybe I’m a lazy mom. I’m sure I could be classified as one. Along with heavily caffeinated mom and always in pjs mom. I snagged the man and he has seen my worst….and he is still around. I’m doing something right….or he is terrified to be left alone with the kids. Either or….no makeup, love pjs, the end.

I honestly have no idea where this blog is going. But it’s nice to be back. We are all alive, we are surviving and we are making things work. Until next time….
PS….I figured out what the girls were doing. They were throwing their dolls into the ceiling fan while it was running full blast because the babies wanted to fly. Sigh. 

What a Morning 

I have had an itch for several weeks to write a blog, but never had the mental energy to do it.  I technically still feel brain dead, but the girls are playing with their Trolls and the boy is swinging on his swing the basement. So I am curled up on the couch enjoying not being touched or being climbed on. It’s pure bliss.

The bliss ended as soon as I finished that last sentence. Lo is talking in my ear, but I notice I don’t hear the boy anymore so I run downstairs and don’t see him anywhere. Insert slight panic now. I hear a door knob jiggle. Shew, he just went on the closed side of the basement. Annoying, but not tragic. Let me explain why I was very panicked about not hearing him (but you should always be panicked if your kids are quiet. That’s a good too for new moms.) About two weeks ago, on a Tuesday, I was doing my normal routine. I was in the basement with Lo and Simon and realized I had 10 minutes to get ready for work. When Grammy got here, I was doing my rounds of hugs and kisses. Simon was still downstairs and I usually just yell “bye, love you squish” and go. But it was quiet and if you know Simon, he’s rarely quiet. Went downstairs, no Simon. Looked on the other side of the basement, no Simon. Walked outside, no Simon. I walked out a little further and noticed the gate was opened. I freaked! Ran in the house yelled for Grammy and we are both running around outside. Run to my sister’s house and she is now outside running with us yelling and screaming for Simon. What seemed like forever was only a few minutes when Grammy found him….two houses down! I felt like the worst mother ever. And the scariest part is, he didn’t even realize what he did was wrong. 

Even though I have 4-year-olds now, doesn’t mean they are all in there developmentally. My Simon, my squish and my chubs, just isn’t there yet. Intelligentally he is there if not further along than even 5 or 6 year old. His awareness and average developmental is delayed. So, technically he may be more like have a 2-year-old or younger but much, much heavier and stronger. He doesn’t like holding our hands which makes daily life a huge struggle. The girls will hold hands with each other and walk next to me, but Simon will go limp in a heart beat or I end up having to carry a 35lb dead body. Most of the time he doesn’t even want to be carried and he lunges and dives making me lose my mind. Not even because it hurts but because I’m afraid his face will meet concrete. 

My current situation. He never leaves me alone. Which in hindsight, it’s better than not knowing where he is. Silver lining which is something I’m always reaching for these days. 

Now my Ruthie bug, I just have to say wow. She has come so far since she started school. But we still have our struggles. The tantrums still occur, but have decreased in the length and the amount per day. Which is wonderful. With that being said, we still have those tantrums. Even this morning, I was upstairs and I hear her bawling her eyes out. I go downstairs and she is just repeating, “it’s broken” and I can’t figure out what she is talking about because she just repeats the same thing. Luckily I realized the TV paused for a second and sent her into this poor, crying little puddle. The TV was working currently but she just couldn’t get past that it stopped for a split second. She just kept repeating, “it’s broken” or “it’s not working” even though it was. She just couldn’t get past it. I was holding her tightly, rubbing her back and rocking her trying to calm her down. Nothing was working and the screaming was getting louder and louder. She wanted the TV off. Easy fix right? But that would be giving into the behavior and even though I could end the crying, this will only make the next meltdown worse. And we have been working hard breaking this habit. I’m getting up while holding her and she is just going ballistic because she knows I’m taking her to her room. As a mom and a role model, I try to stay calm as much as possible, but sometimes I break that mentality and lose it. I swated her behind and hard to tightly squeeze her so I didn’t stop her and had to toss her into her bed. I felt awful. Autism is not only difficult for my babies, but it takes a toll on me and the Hubs as well. 
I am currently trying to convince her she does not need both shimmer and shine to watch the show. She keeps having a fit every fee minutes. I’m not giving in. (Side note: Lo gave in and gave her her shine doll. Lo then received a piece of chocolate for sharing and being a good sister.)

Parents who have kids with autism….I bow to you. Its not an easy job, and so many moms are killing it and making wonderful, respectful kids. Anyone out there reading this, just remember. Even though they look a certain age, doesn’t mean they are able to do things that maybe yours can do. I’m not trying to baby my son or ignore my daughter, but I am teaching her tbis behavior is not ok or I am helping my son because he just doesn’t understand or know better. Same goes for all our other kiddos out there struggling. Autism is a HUGE spectrum. Not one diagnosis is like the other. And even though I had three share a womb, they are completely different in every way. Let’s all be kind to one another. No more eye rolling at the child’s behavior our, no more ugly looks and comments under your breath. Can we just walk up to one another and ask, “can I help in anyway”? OR “You are doing a great job, hang in there”. I can’t tell you how many times those words would’ve been wonderful to hear in such moments. 

Spread the love and the kind words. 

What the Floof?!

I’m just a mom….a mom of 3-year-old triplets, trying to survive. It’s a daily struggle trying to entertain three little ones whose life mission is to destroy me. But, working at Learning Express has made things better for me and my family. How you ask?! For one, this momma gets to get out of the house and talk to adults! And two, the owner has made my three the official toy testers. So, today we are talking about Floof!!

Don’t know what it is? Let me tell you….if you mixed a cloud and non-sticky marshmallow you would have Floof! It’s the new sensory play! The mess is less (can I get a hallelujah) and it doesn’t stick to your carpet!! I am still trying to remove play-doh from my carpet and floof comes right up! Mommas best friends.

The above picture is my daughter Ruthie. She will be four in February. She was diagnosed with high-functioning autism a year ago and finding something to calm her is difficult. Since she woke up this morning she has been playing with it…..quietly may I add!!! This thing is a miracle worker.

She will even share with sissy and they actually play nicely together. And if you have more than one you understand the struggle of the whole “sharing” and “play nicely” game. We have been hiding Peppa and all of our Princesses in the floof and digging them out. A great game to play by yourself or with someone.

I am not one to get out the “messy” things such as play-doh or the dreaded sand, so I was skeptical. But I love Floof and the quiet that it has brought into our home. Have questions and want to see for yourself?! Come see us at Learning Express of Louisville. We have a demo ready for playing.

Floof everywhere and I don’t even care….it’s so easy to clean up and she is just loving it. This has been going on for over an hour!!!!!

I am a triplet mom, a triplet mom with two being autistic at that, and WE ALL approve this message!!!!! 

They Make Me Stronger

I have been itching to write another blog recently but I have held myself back. Sometimes I want to use my blog to vent but I always stop myself because I don’t want to put anything out there that I may only be saying out of anger at the time. So…many weeks after a few things have happened and changed, I decided I felt level enough for a blog. I don’t know about you, but this girl is excited!

Lots of exciting things have happened in the Miller house. Most of you have been following my family and if you have you know the struggles my sweet, squishy boy has gone through. Well, one thing we had to do was get another allergy test done. Since he is non-verbal, communication is limited and so are his food options. So we decided after a year and a half, it was time to get checked to see if it has changed….for the better. 

The bumps show what he is strongly reacting to

Once again, he was a champ with very little crying if any. By looking at his back getting progressively worse my hopes weren’t too high. But to our surprise, he outgrew his corn, oats, sweet potatoes and chicken allergy! What a relief. Still highly allergic to soy, eggs, peanuts (all tree nuts except for almonds) peas, green beans and now highly allergic to chocolate 😳 Watching him eat cheerios and not having a reaction was the highlight of our day.

Most of you know Simon and Ruthie go to an amazing school (amazing in our eyes at least). They see so much potential from both of them and the updates we get continually makes us feel like we are a part of their day. We were told a couple of months into their school year that his teacher put Simon in line for a grant to get an IPad and app for communication. Hearing stories of kids using this to communicate and how they found their voice after using it made me so happy, yet again, trying not to get my hopes up. He had to qualify and although I thought he needed it, someone else might not. But just a few weeks ago we were given this amazing iPad with the app (that is close to $250 by the way) all paid for. I was in tears. I just couldn’t believe it. This could be a game changer for him.

Our biggest fear (well not our biggest fear but I’m trying to be dramatic) is having an iPad in our house. We have gone back and forth several times..should we get them one (meaning all 3) or no, they don’t need one. We are both very concerned with this day and age and the popularity of electronics and we don’t want that to be an issue in this house. We want imaginations to be made, outside to be the place to go or reading books. That’s what we want so having this thing worried us. Especially now only having one. Making a three-year-old understand let alone two three-year-olds, that this was his talking device and not a toy. But I am proud of how they have done. Granted, we are constantly saying..”what are the rules? No touching, no taking”. An example, and I must say, this made this mom proud. Apparently, and this is from Ruthie’s teacher. Both her and Simon happened to be on the playground at the same time (kind of rare since they are in different classes). Ruthie saw a child trying to take Simons iPad and she ran over to the child (may have shoved him a little) and said, “No! That is not yours, it’s Simons words”. As much as we don’t encourage shoving, I was smiling big on the inside. She may not always show it but she loves her brother. Even Lorelei has taken a role of helping him and cheering him on. The girls each have their own role and it is beautiful to see.

Cheering and clapping for their brother

I honestly had no idea what our lives were going to be when we found out we had two with autism. It kind of had us dumbfounded. They don’t teach this stuff when you are pregnant to prepare for the possibility of this happening or have classes on the matter. But I will tell you this. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have learned so much because of my kids and I’m still learning. And because I have two kids on the spectrum and work at a toy store who sells a lot of items that help motor delay, speech delay and spd…I can share my experience and let others know that they are not alone and that I am there to listen. Because sometimes….I just need to vent. It’s not fun a lot of days….like not fun at all. But I wouldn’t change it. I mean I would prefer not to have a red cockatoo screaming in my ear at 7am asking  if I’m awake. But if I have to deal with that and have these two awesome kids….I’ll take it.

Our home has been blessed and I know it will continually will be. And I need to add this just because it has been eating at me….you cannot tell by looking at my son that he has autism. Autism is not a physical deformation. It is a mental disability. So please, don’t tell me you can tell he has something by looking at his eyes. Next time, you may get something in between your eyes. Ok. I’m done. Thanks for reading!

I Hate Autism

There are days where I say to myself, “I hate autism”. Call me a bad person (maybe I am) but it just sucks some days. Not only is your child going through something that sometimes, you just can’t fix, but it will drain you physically and mentally. It’s almost the feeling you get when you bring your newborn home for the first time and you aren’t sleeping a lick and you are running on nothing and their constant crying makes you cry. That’s how it feels some days. I want to cry with my daughter, but I try to hide it to be strong for her. But there are days that I just cry right along with her. There are days I scream with her because I too am going crazy. There are days I handle it like a boss. Then there are days that I just want to walk out and not come back. 

Yesterday was a bad “autism” day. And you know what, the morning went great, it was that hour before we had to leave for school. Ruthie has a project due for school. An “all about me” poster. So I let her color it, she picked colors for me to write her name with and she even stuck her hand in paint and did hand prints. That is huge! Before if I mentioned paint she would have a meltdown and recovering was difficult but having a child with autism you at constantly pushing those boundaries. So needless to say when she dipped both hands into the paint I was having a party on the inside and then anxiety because she was about to touch everything with orange hands! 

Let’s get back to that hour before school. It was now lunch time. I gave them two choices and although that was a struggle she chose what sandwich they were going to eat. She even watched me slice her apple without an issue. Again, that’s huge! She ate all of her Apple first and wouldn’t touch her sandwich. I couldn’t even be mad because this time last year looking at an apple wouldn’t even happen. I had to take Marshall away (paw patrol fans will know), turn off our songs, and threaten time out. She got put in time out several times. FINALLY, she started to eat, but now it was 10 minutes until we had to leave, and she had no pants, hair wasn’t fixed and we still had to go potty. Grrr!
Luckily, I got everything done and was only a few minutes behind. About 5-10 into the ride to school, I hear Ruthie say, “I want to eat now”….”I want to go home first”. I tried explaining “you had your chance” or “no, school first, then home”. But trying to explain anything to a 3-year-old is useless most days. So this spiraled into a meltdown. And I’m talking blood curdling screams. I kept trying to get things to distract her but nothing was working. I just ignored her and made sure Lo and Simon knew they were being a great brother and sister. We all had to listen to this for over 20 minutes. My heart was racing and I could feel the anxiety building, but I pulled into the drop off line and prayed she would go in.

I went to go console her and saw she had taken her shoes and socks off and her hair was now a hot mess. The teachers walk out and I explain that we are having a tough time and they were on board. The thing about autism is this, they can be pulling their hair out, screaming bloody murder and hitting themselves but just like that, they can turn it off and become an angel and act like nothing happened. While I am here trying not to go into an anxiety attack.

 The teachers let me walk her in with Lo even and she was perfect and had an awesome day! I don’t know what I would’ve done if this would’ve been any other school. Actually I do and it would’ve been a disaster because I’ve been there, done that. So having this school is the biggest blessing for my family. 

So yes, some days, I hate autism. But it’s ok, I’m an autism mom and I can say that. If you have something to say about that, it’s ok. We all have our opinions, but the thing we can do is be supportive and try to understand what we all face daily. Not just autism but there are so many other challenges that moms deal with, heck just having a toddler has its stressful days. And guess what? I get it! I am so blessed to have these kids and to be their mommy. Because of them I am learning so much and I get to share it with others who may not know. 

Thanks for reading and sharing my blog once again! Everyone is so supportive and I am very grateful!

I love to write. Always have and I’m sure I always will. But when you become a parent, some of your hobbies are put on hold and that’s ok. I use to draw all the time, and I actually get to these days as long as it’s Peppa or a Peppa family member. Other than that if I attempt to even color my utensils get swiped along with a snarky, “no momma, I need that”. Whatever kid, I’m too tired to even fight you on this because we all know there are 1,000 battles a day and this, this is not one. But as I lay in bed waiting for them to wake up and greet me with a, “I need to go pee”, I decided I should write…so let’s see how this goes.

Summer has ended. I would love to say I am sad but I am honestly so FREAKING happy it is over! We made many memories but yay for August! 

The first two months of summer I was good but July almost killed me. It was too hot to do anything and they were bored of the same stuff and I was bored too. We all needed something different and thank goodness school started back this week. Let me take a moment to scream, “Hallelujah”! But even though the summer was stressful, so many things happened. My kids grew up! Ruthie and Lo transitioned into toddler beds and have done amazing. Ruthie is now using the potty…(happy dance) and Simon has started to follow directions we give him and has tried some new foods. And he is still a little genius spelling big words. 

I can’t imagine what is going through his head, but watching his little mind work is one of my favorite things to see 😍.

Ruthie, as you know, is my spit fire. It’s the red hair I’m sure but she has just grown and I couldn’t be more proud. Moving to a toddler bed had its challenges (like removing ever toy, including her entire bookshelf so she would stop playing since she had this new freedom) but overall has done amazing. Trying new foods and liking them is also a new thing. Went from our pickiest and most frustrating child to feed to our best. She loves raw carrots now (huge deal) apples (even bigger) and has started to eat peas and tries almost everything we put on her plate with very little to no fight. And let’s not forget potty training. She is a rock star! We started three weeks ago and has not had one pee accident! She wakes up dry and is getting better with number 2. So stinkin proud of her! I don’t know if it was taking her shopping for her new panties, a surprise egg for when she went (a basket full of Easter eggs I stuffed with either a chocolate, tattoo, sticker or a little toy) or if she was just ready…something clicked and she is no longer in diapers. One down two to go!

I just love watching her with our new outdoor friend, the toad.

Let’s not forget my first born. She has grown into a spunky, sweet little momma. She loves helping me around the house, doing makeup like me and helps with Simon. Not only did she transition to a toddler bed and did great but she has stepped up her game of “big sister” role. Having two with special needs and one without comes with its challenges. Simon and Ruthie take a lot of my time working on special things which can sometimes leave Lo out unintentionally. Which can also leave to her acting out. So we have been trying to get her more involved in helping her brother and sister. Simon is not very good at coming to us when we call him (I just think it’s a man thing) so Lo has now become our “Simon girl”. She will go and grab his hand and walk him over to us. It seriously is the sweetest thing and seeing her smile when she does it is the best. When Simon is chewing on things he shouldn’t (i.e. the girls stuff) she will take it out of his mouth and tell him, “No Simon, no chewing”, (sometimes with attitude but mostly it’s nice 😜) and will go find his appropriate “chewy” and hand it to him. It is just so heart warming to see.

Now Ruthie and Simon have officially started preschool three days a week for three hours a day and I am looking forward to seeing their growth. I’ve had so many people ask why I am only sending two to school and not all three. I don’t mind answering because I know we made the right decision. The school they are going to is specially designed for kids that have delays or developmental issues such as ASD but also have “typical” kids there as well. It’s geared to help prepare them for kindergarten and the structure school offers but with extra one on one. Lo could have easily gone but due to the cost, we could only afford two (and that’s a stretch) and she doesn’t qualify for the local preschool because she is just too smart. So we just enrolled her into the Miller Academy…aka my kitchen. We are doing what we think is best. It took a lot of thinking and going back and forth but we are excited for this new journey.